LIVE Alamo Bowl Rant

Northwestern comes through the tunnel chanting the “We Ready” rap song. Seriously, Northwestern? As Paul Mooney would say, you make Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X.

The Wildcats' coaching staff is worried about Derrick Washington, and with good reason. When he doesn’t run well, Mizzou loses.

Gary Pinkel thinks “it’s critically important to get rid of the stuff.” Those are the kinds of profound statements you come to expect from the world’s finest journalism school.

Kickoff

Nice pick up on 3rd and 10 to Chase Coffman. An opening three and out would have sent me into an immediate panic.

Jeremy Maclin and Jared Perry run to same spot; confusion and an interception ensue. Ouch. I hope the Tigers are ready to play. If you told them at the beginning of the year they’d be in the Alamo Bowl, they’d be about as enthusiastic as Sean Penn at a Sarah Palin rally.

More woeful Missouri pass defense, and it’s 7-0 Wildcats. Super. The safeties have killed us in pass coverage this season. Willy Mo was burnt like grandma’s toast. Definitely appears that he should have gone to the NFL last year. His stock has to be plummeting, unfairly or not. I gotta think he’s been playing hurt.

Wow, a quick hitch one yard short of a first down on 3rd and 4? Should I blame Maclin, the coaches, Daniel, or all of the above?

Nice punt by Harry. Lots of worries in the preseason about punting, but it's been no problem.

Missouri caught in an all-out blitz on 3rd and 9. Screen works beautifully for big yardage, BUT MIZZOU HAS THE FOOTBALL! Willy Mo forced the fumble; unfortunately, he was lined up way offsides. Can we do anything right?

No discernable pass rush so far. We can’t rush four and our blitzes rarely work. That’s a slight problem.

Play-by-play man Ron Franklin gives us Mike Kelly’s utterly infuriating “Intercepted…and dropped” call on a near pick by Brock Christopher.

2nd Quarter (7-0 Northwestern)

No points and losing to a double-digit underdog; sounds a lot like the first quarter of the Kansas game.

7-3 NW as Mizzou settles for a field goal in the red zone. (For brevity’s sake, I’m using “NW” instead of “Northwestern” from now on.)

Missed tackle by Carl Gettis turns a three-yard gain into a 30-yarder. He’s usually a sure tackler.

Sean Weathersoon destroys an attempted reverse pass. Brian Coulter does a great job staying at home on the backside.

CRAP! 2nd and 19, and we aren’t ready for the screen again. Wake up, guys. Gain of 18.

UNCATCHABLE! Kenji Jackson did make contact early, but no way that was catchable unless the receiver was Dwight Howard.

Please hold them to a field goal; we don’t want to go down two possessions. This team looks like it’s ready for winter break. Good coverage by Justin Garrett, Tigerboard's favorite whipping boy, and good pressure on 2nd and goal. Mizzou stops them on 3rd and goal, but somehow, Coulter lines up in the neutral zone again. What the hell? Fortunately, NW can't capitalize. Field goal is good, 10-3 NW.

Chase throws it up for grabs after seeing the weak-side blitz late. Chris Wootton intercepts it, but it's under review. Thanks for the one inconclusive camera angle, ESPN. Seems like Daniel has thrown an inordinate amount of picks to defensive linemen. The call stands.

Big hit by Garrett to break up a pass 3rd and 2. Gotta give the safeties props when the opportunity presents itself. NW's 47-yard kick is wide left. Still 10-3 NW with 7:13 left.

Wootton was clearly lined up offsides, but of course, there's no flag. They do call illegal touching on Saunders, however, negating a first down. Thanks. Daniel's pass is behind Saunders on 3rd down. I liked it better when the casual Mizzou fans had no idea who Jake Harry was.

The rugby-style punt should kill punt returns. It’s often too risky for the return man to field it on the bounce. Just about everyone should utilize the rugby-style punt.

Like the Kansas game, this game means more to NW. I don’t know if we miss Martin Rucker’s leadership or what, but Mizzou's sideline has no energy when it gets down.

Undoubtedly, the new 40-second play clock has hurt Mizzou's offense this year. The coaches have always said they want to maximize our possessions and plays, and teams have been milking all 40 seconds against us all year.

A sack! Stryker Sulak devours C.J. Bacher. That looked painful.

Missouri manages the clock properly for a change, taking two timeouts to give itself the ball with 1:15 left.

TOUCHDOWN! Kicking to Jeremy Maclin is never a good idea. Tie game. He makes one cut, and you just know he’s gone after about 15 yards. Peace. What a huge play.

Maclin doesn’t seem remotely impressed with himself. He makes it look so easy. Luke Lambert might have gotten away with a block in the back, but it's tough to tell.

Halftime (10-10)

Gettis burned for a TD. 16-10 NW, 12:08 left. I kid you not, I typed “17-10,” and the kicker shanks it off the right upright.

Daniel misses a wide-open Perry. Our offense is not sharp, to say the least.

Coffman’s hands never cease to amaze; first down. You can tell he’s still running gingerly between plays.

Nice play call by Mizzou on 4th and 1; quick run by Daniel for an easy first. If they’re only going to put four on the line with no linebacker in sight, your five offensive linemen should be able to get you one yard every time.

Touchdown to Danario Alexander on a fake screen. That play is money. Almost typed “17-16” prematurely…please, tell me I didn’t jinx Jeff Wolfert…bingo! 17-16 Mizzou, 7:20 left.

Haven’t heard Ziggy Hood’s name all night.

Christopher doesn't drop the interception this time. Mizzou has it at the NW 30.

Daniel unsuccessfully heaves one to Maclin deep on 3rd down. He had one-on-one coverage from the 25, so I can’t blame him for going there. Good coverage, but it was thrown a little too far outside, causing Maclin to land out of bounds. Wolfert’s 43-yarder is good. If that guy isn’t an NFL kicker, I’m an idiot. 20-16 Mizzou.

ZIGGY! Right on cue, Hood completely burns the right guard for a sack.

Dammit! Another hold negates a 16-yard run by Maclin. I’m so glad we’re making this as hard as possible on ourselves. Danario probably was holding, but receivers do that on every play these days.

Daniel throws a pick. I’ve been saying that way too much in the second half of the season. That was a just a terrible decision. As Gary Danielson would vividly say, the defender squatted all over the receiver.

Weatherspoon, simma down now! He had bad intentions on that hit. This game will make a nice NFL resume tape.

We have the worst pass defense in the BCS conferences. Another Missouri safety (Jackson) is burnt deep. The sky is also blue. He was in decent position, he just couldn’t make a play on the ball. Heck of a throw by Bacher. 23-20 NW, 31 seconds left.

I was looking down when ESPN inexplicably played sad music while going over some of NW’s previous coaches. For a second, I thought Denny Green was dead. Luckily, he still is who I thought he was.

Pat Fitzgerald: “The reason I run my program the way I do is because of the values I learned from Gary Barnett.” Do I even need to make a joke here? I hate to besmirch a fellow Mizzou alum, but if I were announcing the game, that quote would have induced a spit take.

Washington gains nine for a first. Hasn’t been a lot of running room for him so far. NW’s defensive game plan is going well.

4th Quarter (23-20 NW)

Color man Ed Cunningham: “Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s Washington's longest run.” You’re wrong. He just gained five after getting nine two plays earlier. Thanks for staying up late, Ed.

Daniel has to throw it away on 3rd and 5. I’m about to throw up. What happened to this offense? Another excellent punt by Harry; 51 yards, no return.

Mizzou gives up the slant route so easily on third and short, and yet, we can’t stop the deep ball either. What exactly does our pass defense defend?

Coulter was very, very close to lining up offsides again.

Another sack for Sulak. Huge play. 4th down with 11 minutes left.

Not to belabor the point, but in Mizzou sports history, has there ever been a more exciting sentence than the PA announcer saying, “Jeremy Maclin, deep to return.” Good field position at the NW 49. Let’s punch it in.

NW’s coaches think we aren’t patient enough to run the ball, and they're probably right. We were patient last year though. Three straight passes to start the drive. Then we lose five on an ill-conceived reverse. No one was looking for the pass there with Maclin taking the direct snap, negating the trickery. At least we didn't throw it back to our left tackle, a la Rutgers.

Saunders throws his hands up after Daniel throws it well out of bounds. According to the announcers, there was a smattering of boos. (I didn't hear any.) That might be the most depressing moment of my football life.

Another fabulous punt by Harry, downed at the 1 by Saunders.

NW sneaks it from inside the 1, gaining little. I’ve never understood that call. Congratulations! Your punter now has an extra two feet to work with, and it only cost you a down!

Huge stop on 3rd and 4 with 6:04 left. Oh my god, the punt hit a Mizzou player and NW didn’t notice. Maclin recovers; glad he was more alert than anyone on the field. How lucky were we there? Come on Chase, let’s win this game and end on a high note.

Daniel misses Saunders again. I’m in shock. Maclin was wide open too. Did Darius Outlaw's spirit possess Daniel's body before the game?

Just as I question Daniel, he delivers a clutch completion to Coffman on 3rd and long. Beautiful catch, but the throw was high.

Cunningham thinks we should play it conservatively and run or throw a screen on third and long. That’s a shocking thing to hear. Wow, and Mizzou runs it. How the mighty have fallen. I think hell just froze over; Dave Christensen just played it conservatively. I realize Wolfert is nearly automatic, but let’s try to take the lead. That’s a strange time to suddenly get conservative. 37-yarder is good, naturally. Tied at 23, 2:49 left.

(I love Wolfert, but that’s a made-up record. So he's the most accurate kicker ever...when you include PATs. Considering how good modern kickers have gotten at PATs and how much modern offenses score, that record is quite misleading.)

NW rode the clock on the first two downs, but they didn’t pick it up on 3rd. Three and out. Mizzou’s ball, 1:32 left, at the Mizzou 33. Gotta love having Wolfert in these situations.

Mizzou wisely burns its first time out with 47 seconds left. Thank you.

Huge 15-yard facemask penalty. First down Mizzou at the NW 23. Mizzou is apparently content with its field position. I wish we would have gotten a few more yards, but a 44-yarder in a dome should be money. Franklin, quit trying to jinx the snapper! Beau Brinkley has been great all year. Of course, they try to ice Wolfert. He’s a diver, bitch! You can’t ice someone who is one with the water. HOLY CRAP, I JINXED HIM! That’s why we should have gotten a few more yards. How deflating. He barely missed it wide right.

OVERTIME (23-23)

Dear Mr. Ref: We know the rules. Toss the fucking coin. That took a good minute and a half. We’re already looking at a four-hour game here. Let’s move it along.

3rd and 3 for Mizzou. Touchdown on a slant to Maclin that was difficult only because Daniel slightly bobbled the snap. Whew. And we're treated to our 38th cutaway to Daniel's family. 30-23 Mizzou.

Following a Bacher sack and fumble, NW has it 4th and goal from the 30. I’m trying to imagine how we blow this, but it’s a stretch even for a Mizzou fan. Ballgame. Moore knocks the pass down.

Vickie Daniel, Chase's mom, looks as hysterically tearful as Ron Burgandy after Jack Black punted Ron's dog off a bridge. She got more face time than anyone on the team.

Let’s face it, this was an incredibly disappointing season, but an Alamo Bowl loss would have been more than I could bear. After an incredible 2007 that saw Mizzou finish No. 4 in the nation, it's only natural that fans would expect more from a team with a lot of key returning starters. Unfortunately, the nearly unstoppable offense Mizzou relied on regressed in the second half of 2008, and the defense was often putrid. I'm happy for the team that it beat NW, but that was about as anticlimactic as a bowl win can be.

But, once again, even though 2008 was unfulfilling, we'll always have 2007. Trust me; as the years pass, the disappointment will fade. In 20 years, if I'm telling my kids about Maclin, Coffman, Daniel, Weatherspoon, Wolfert, Saunders, Hood, Sulak, and others, it will be all good memories. As unsatisfying as 2008 was, it's still a hell of a lot better than the Bob Stull Era or the end of Larry Smith's run.

(Pictured: A bunch of journalism school friends and I with the stars of the show, Chase Daniel's mom and sister, in Austin, Texas.)

Don't let the door hit you in the ass

Larry Johnson wants to leave Kansas City, and he's even willing to take some of the blame. How noble. If he's willing to give up all the money the Chiefs owe him, I'll drive him to KCI myself.

Larry, did it ever occur to you that the next Chiefs GM would love to get rid of you? Here's the rub: You're paid like a franchise running back when you're clearly not. There are only a few backs that truly separate themselves from the rest of the NFL. You used to be one of those guys; now you're not. Maybe your downfall was injuries, the team around you, less motivation after getting paid, or all of the above, but regardless, you've undeniably regressed. There isn't a team that will take you with your current contract. You have no trade value. I don't care how much you hang out with Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Oh, and you're such a colossal a-hole you make Terrell Owens look winsome. It's bad enough you whine as soon as the team does anything that doesn't adhere to your exact specifications. We shouldn't have to put up with with you pushing women to the ground and spitting drinks in their faces too.

In 2005, you looked like a force of nature. In 2006, we made excuses for you because Willie Roaf, Will Shields, Tony Richardson, and Dick Vermeil were gone and Trent Green was injured. In 2007, it become readily apparent even before A.J. Hawk mangled your ankle that you were no longer the same player. Now, you'll be lucky to be in the league for much longer if you don't change your attitude quickly. The sooner you realize you aren't an elite player nor the most important person on Earth, the sooner you can finally shed those diapers Vermeil was talking about.

Broncos fire Mike Shanahan, and they're idiots

Just want to be on record as saying firing Shanahan is a mistake. I hope the Chiefs look at him as a coach (not a GM). Shocking news too, because I thought he was the owner's BFF.

I'm offended that you're offended

Apparently, many think Saturday Night Live's portrayal of New York governor David Paterson went too far. Fred Armisen played Paterson and exaggerated the effect the governor's blindness has on his ability to orient himself. Paterson was not amused, and neither was National Federation of the Blind spokesman Chris Danielsen, who said, "The biggest problem faced by blind people is not blindness itself, but the stereotypes held by the general public. The idea that blind people are incapable of the simplest tasks and are perpetually disoriented and befuddled is absolutely wrong."

I definitely agree with Danielsen on his last point. Because it's impossible for me to imagine being blind, I marvel at the dozens of blind people I see navigating the streets of downtown Chicago. Many blind people are capable of living their lives with little dependence on others.

However, SNL is in the comedy business, and a lot of comedy is an exaggeration of the truth; no one ever said Armisen's impression is the truth. Moreover, the sketch didn't only poke fun at Paterson's blindness but also his past cocaine use and his supposed lack of readiness to take office.

Quoting South Park's classic "Cartoon Wars" two-part episodes, "It's either all OK, or none of it is." If you're offended by SNL's depiction of Paterson, then you'd better be equally offended by any jokes about O.J. Simpson's murder trial or Michael Jackson's alleged child molestation. Victims of child abuse are often emotionally scarred for life, and no matter what you think of O.J., two people are dead. To me, those jokes are no worse or better than the Paterson jokes.

I read one blind person's comment in the blogosphere that he just wants to be treated like everyone else and doesn't want to be ridiculed. But here's the thing: People make fun of other people. If we don't have a little fun at your expense, then we're not treating you like everyone else. If you think the blind shouldn't be made fun of, then we can't make fun of the overweight, the elderly, or anyone else who's feelings might potentially be hurt.

I don't want to live in that world.

I usually hate when people play the race card, but…

Charles Barkley might be onto something. He is a proud Auburn alum, so I sincerely doubt he’d say "I think race was the No. 1 factor" in Auburn hiring Gene Chizik instead of Turner Gill as its football coach if he didn’t fervently believe it. Barkley not only went to Auburn, he grew up in Alabama and was part of Auburn’s search committee when it needed a new basketball coach following the 2003-04 campaign. In other words, he knows a lot more about the inner-workings of the Auburn athletic department than most of us. And let’s not forget that only four of the 119 FBS teams employ black head coaches, and there has only been one black head coach in SEC history.

Barkley was dismissed from the committee before Auburn hired Jeff Lebo, a white man. (This is also known as the Jon Sundvold Treatment.) Because of this, it’s possible that Barkley has an ax to grind. However, as Barkley points out, Lebo (61-68 so far at Auburn) was the only candidate interviewed who never made the NCAA tournament. Mizzou’s Mike Anderson, Alabama-Birmingham’s Mike Davis, and Oklahoma’s Jeff Capel, who are black, were among the candidates Barkley championed.

I’ve seen people in the blogosphere calling Barkley a moron and a racist for his comments. In my opinion, anyone saying Barkley is a racist is way off base. He obviously loves Ernie Johnson, his TNT colleague. On several occasions, he’s called Kevin McHale the best player he's ever played against. On Inside the NBA, he repeatedly screams Manu Ginobili's name like a desperate groupie. And who could forget his post-foot-race smooch with NBA ref Dick Bavetta (pictured, right)? I’ll also give Barkley the benefit of the doubt because he’s often been an outspoken critic of his fellow blacks. He may be wrong, but I don’t think he’s a racist.

Frankly though, even if there’s some truth in Barkley’s claims, that would only explain why Auburn didn’t hire Gill, not why it hired Chizik. Why would Auburn dump Tommy Tuberville to get a guy who went 5-19 at Iowa State? There were surely several black, white, and Samoan (Navy’s Ken Niumatalolo) candidates who had better resumes than Chizik.

Football Picks

Cardinals -3 vs. Minnesota: Since Tavaris Jackson is prominently involved, I’ll ride the Cards. Minnesota’s Pat Williams and Kevin Williams will play, but Arizona isn’t a good running team regardless.

Steelers +3 at Ravens: Pretty much an even game, so I’ll take the points. Pittsburgh’s defense is actually better on the road, away from its crappy home surface.

Falcons -4 vs. Bucs: The line jumped a point when Jeff Garcia was ruled out, but I’ll still take Atlanta.

Last Week: 1-2

Earl and the gang could be entering their prime

“Orphan Earl,” Thursday’s new episode of My Name is Earl, was my favorite episode of the season and illustrates why the show still works.

When watching an episode of Earl, just when I think the plot is getting a little too ridiculous, it reels me back in with a twist and/or a feel-good moment. The more I analyze comedy, the more I’ve realized that the unexpected is often what makes me laugh hardest. Earl often sets you up for one joke and gives you another. While most of the characters are relatively dumb, the show’s writing is anything but.

For instance, it would have been easy to make Crab Man (Eddie Steeples) your stereotypically brain-dead stoner, but his surprising genius is funny, endearing, and an effective contrast to the rest of Camden. Earl (Jason Lee) and Crab Man’s fondness for each other is equally unexpected and amusing, considering Crab Man knocked up and later married Earl’s ex-wife, Joy (Jamie Pressly).

The premise hasn’t gotten old either. Earl’s constant effort to please karma by making up for all the bad things he’s done provides equal opportunity for hilarious criminal flashbacks and heartwarming conclusions. “The list” also lends itself to side characters and celebrity cameos, keeping the show fresh.

Finally, “Orphan Earl” showcased the main characters’ strengths. Joy was the uber bitch, exploiting a caring man’s concern for starving African kids. (“If I had only fooled him once, it would be shame on me. But I’ve fooled him a bunch of times, so duh, it’s shame on him.”) Ethan Suplee continually makes Randy more interesting than your garden-variety dumb guy. (“The baby formula is man plus woman. Everyone knows that.”) Earl, while occasionally a little dim himself, is the charismatic straight man who still gets his share of one-liners. (“Africa is hard on kids, what with the hot sun, giant leeches, and no…speed limits.” And Crab Man is the lovable pothead who, unlike most of Camden, is genuinely concerned about others. (“People, what have I told you? If you’re going to decorate the drunks, please have a fire extinguisher standing by.”)

After Earl’s promising pilot, I was hoping the premise wouldn’t get stale and the show would catch on. In the middle of the show’s fourth season, it appears its best days might be ahead of it.

LIVE Boilermaker Bowl Rant (OK, not the whole game. Sorry.)

I had no intention of writing about the Bears-Saints game, but too much happened when I tuned in for the last 10 minutes and OT to resist.

I never like fakes when kickers have to throw the ball, but Maynard’s pass looked pretty good. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a good spot for a fake. Teams are always ready for a fake on 4th and 4 from midfield. Also, the overturn was the correct call, but I don’t like that rule. Peterson had the ball and rolled over on his back, yet somehow, it’s incomplete. Also, is there anything more annoying than a coach waiting for the entire TV time out to throw the challenge flag? Then we basically get back-to-back TV time outs; need that rule changed too.

Bears hold after the fake though, absolutely stuffing the Saints on 3rd and 4th and short. The play fake works almost every time on 4th and short, usually for big yardage.

Why are coaches so afraid of using their time outs? With 50 seconds left, Bears complete a pass inbounds, only they don’t use one of their two remaining time outs. That cost them 20 seconds, and of course, the Bears never use their final time out. Well done. Almost seemed like they were playing for OT instead of the win.

And yes, there’s no question Greg Olsen was interfered with late in the game. Not only did the defender grab him from behind with one arm, he smashed him in the facemask with his other hand before the ball got there.

Oh boy, a game-winning pass interference leads to short field goal on 2nd down! How anticlimactic. NFL overtime sucks. If the defender gets his head around quicker, that’s probably not interference.

Why lose three yards trying to center it? Just run it with Forte to the middle, and maybe you’ll pick up an extra two instead of losing three.

Ah, the old timeout-immediately-before-the-kick play. I’m surprised they’re still doing this after it has backfired at least once. Doesn’t matter though; Gould is good, Bears win.

After the game, Purdue coach Joe Tiller, 66, successfully executes the soul shake with his two former quarterbacks, Brees and Orton. My dad, 60, would need weeks of training to pull that off.

That's MY Quarterback, Witten!

It appears we have a love triangle in Dallas. In what has to be the least surprising story of the year, Terrell Owens has beef with Tony Romo. T.O. reportedly thinks Romo and tight end Jason Witten are too chummy and conspiring against him. Owens, irked that Witten leads the team in receptions, reportedly believes Romo and Witten secretly design plays together that get Witten the ball whether Owens is open or not. Holy paranoia, Batman.

T.O.'s penchant for being a two-faced asshole and turning on his quarterback is nothing new; what is truly noteworthy is someone on the team was willing to be an anonymous source and spill the beans. Super Bowl contenders don't anonymously gossip to reporters about their teammates. T.O., and possibly other Cowboys just on principle, will want to seek and destroy whomever talked. This situation will kill their locker room if it isn't dead already. So if you were still talking yourself into a Super Bowl run in Big D, think again. (And that's coming from someone who picked Dallas to win it all in September.)

Check out Ed Werder's full story here.

(By the way, no, I don't think this proves T.O. was acting during his famously tear-filled "That's my quarterback!" speech after the Giants ended the Cowboys' 2007 season. If you're telling me T.O. can cry on cue, he's got a hell of a thespian career waiting for him after football.)

WWE: Hate JBL? Love Joey Styles?

If so, Merry Christmas, because Joey Styles punched JBL in the face and knocked him to the ground. Keep in mind, this is a real story, not a wrestling story. (Although with wrestling, sometimes it's tough to tell.)

Read on.

Mizzou vs. Cal: Post-game Thoughts

After last night’s football shellacking in the Big 12 title game, it was cathartic to see the basketball Tigers win convincingly. It’s hard to say how good Cal is at this point, but they can’t be terrible. Mike Montgomery can coach.

Missouri’s biggest problem last year was arguably a lack of scorers; that is no longer the case. DeMarre Carroll is healthy and looks like a different player. Leo Lyons is showing the same confidence he had at the end of last season. The three freshman guards can all score.

Before the season, I thought Mizzou would have to be one of the two or three best perimeter defensive teams in the conference to compete for an NCAA tournament bid; so far, so good. We’re quick, relentless, and deep. We also have a lot of big guys – Lyons, Carroll, Safford, and Ramsey – who can switch on pick-and-rolls and recover from traps without giving the opposition a huge mismatch.

You have to love any system that starts with the defense. Missouri’s defensive style requires hard work and teamwork, something that carries over to offense. The Tigers’ cutting and passing yesterday was beautiful.

Let’s not get carried away, but this team should make the NCAA tournament. That is now my expectation, barring injuries. If nothing else, it’s certainly an exciting, blue-collar team that deserves better support. Time to hop on the Mizzou basketball bandwagon again.

Journalism Bowl I: Check your facts

Alright, Northwestern grads, let's get one thing straight: Mizzou has the best journalism school in the country. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Northwestern has a fine journalism institution, perhaps as good as -- shudder -- Syracuse.

But Mizzou provides a unique experience. When you're accepted to its j-school, you're immediately working at a city-wide circulation newspaper, not some namby-pamby campus rag. On the broadcast side, students produce stories and anchor for Columbia's NBC or NPR affiliate.

So don't listen to biased Northwestern alumni like ESPN's Mike Greenberg (pictured, left) and Mike Wilbon, listen to a biased Mizzou grad like me, John Anderson, Matt Winer, or Michael Kim.

Mizzou is No. 1 in journalism. Unfortunately, with our defense, the Alamo Bowl might be another story.

LIVE Big 12 Championship Rant

1st Quarter

OU settles for a field goal! The Tigers have won the Super Bowl!!!!

I wanted the Tigers to run on first, and they gain six. Listen to me.

Already like that Mizzou is “looking over” more.

The more Washington, the better; use Maclin as a decoy initially.

Daniel runs for a first down. Need some of that too.

The QB draw was unnecessary. Run him quickly on 3rd and 2.

I can’t believe Wolfert’s 49-yard FG attempt was short. Stunning. Thought it was in for sure.

A three and out! Where was this defense last week? (Stop complaining, you idiot!)

“Again, the Sooners are sniffing out that run.” They are, Brent? That’s the first time they’ve stopped Washington.

Go for it on 4th and 8 from OU’s 39, please!!! Glad it was a decent punt. I think Mizzou should have been more aggressive there.

Mizzou needs to pressure Bradford at some point.

10-0 OU. Overall, I like the defensive strategy, believe it or not. I’d rather make the Sooners methodically drive the ball than give up two-play drives. Gives Mizzou more opportunities to get turnovers.

Big first down on the pass to Saunders.

I think Stoops has a point; that ball was uncatchable. I’ll take it.

2nd quarter

Why didn’t OU decline the illegal formation penalty? That is not a dead-ball foul. I’m confused. TOUCHDOWN MACLIN! Thank you very much, Bob.

Great penalty, Saunders. Let’s just give them the ball at the 47.

Kenji Jackson’s hit didn’t deserve 15; borderline, but not late.

17-7 Oklahoma, 11 minutes left in the 2nd.

NOOOOOO! Why can’t Chase hold onto the ball lately? And why didn’t they review that play? His back was at least close to being down.

24-7 OU with 8:59 left in the half. Hate to say it, but it’s over. Daniel’s fumble was the coup de grace.

Coffman has been invisible. Turf toe is a bitch.

Daniel missed Egnew that time. He was open deep.

Brent just called him “Chase Daniels.” Seriously?

Mizzou’s defense has been a disappointment, but its offensive line still isn’t nearly as good as its skill players. That’s just as big of a problem.

Sooners go for it on 4th and 5 up 24-7. Hell, why not? Of course, they make it.

31-7 OU, 2:33 left in the half.

Daniel makes a strange decision on the interception. Was a slant to Earl Goldsmith really the match-up we wanted on 3rd and 2? No offense to Earl, but he’s barely played this year.

It’s time to admit that we miss Martin Rucker and Will Franklin a lot. With Coffman hurting, this receiving corps isn’t close to what we saw last year.

38-7 OU with 53 seconds left in the half.

Danario Alexander hasn’t been a factor this year. It’s too hard to come back from two knee injuries that quickly.

Man, 2007 was our chance. It might be time to start drinking heavily.

Halftime

On the bright side, my over bet is on pace to cover.

Big 12 Commissioner: “The kids are against a playoff.” PROVE IT! Have you taken a survey? Has anyone ever asked why an eight-team playoff would ruin the bowl system? If you’re hardcore enough to watch the Meineke Car Care Bowl, something tells me you’ll still watch if there’s a few extra playoff games. (“Can I bet on it? Sure, I’ll watch!”)

OU defensive coordinator Brent Venables repeatedly called a play with the WWE crotch chop! You’d think that would draw a flag. That’s surely more lewd than whatever Tommy Saunders said.

FUCK TOBY KEITH! (Sorry, Toby. Nothing personal; I’m just bitter.)

4th Quarter

48-14 OU. If you think Stoops is above running up the score, you’re insane. I don’t blame him though. The BCS system encourages it.

Needed more double moves in this game. Coffman scores on one. 48-21 OU.

So maybe the gold jerseys weren't the problem.

Final: Oklahoma 62, Missouri 21.

I’m accountable. I wore the same jersey I wore to the Texas game. That starts with me. It’s critically important I burn every article of clothing worn during a loss. I have to forget about this game and talk myself into getting excited for the Alamo Bowl. That’s my job.

Pick up Russell Westbrook in fantasy basketball.

Thirty points, seven assists, and two steals. Get him while the gettin' is good.

Out-of-Context Line of the SEC Championship

"He squatted all over Nelson!" - CBS announcer Gary Danielson

That sounds felonious and nauseating.

WWE Big Board: Now with a "Kamp Krusty" reference!

Am I the only one who still watches pro wrestling? Seems like all my friends have moved on to more intellectual endeavors, such as fantasy football and online porn. Still, as long as I'm zooming through WWE programming on DVR every week, something productive might as well come from it.

The following is my list of WWE's top performers, based on in-ring ability, entertainment value, and, most importantly, potential to draw crowds and make money for the company.

1. John Cena: Like him or not, you either like him or not; the crowd is never apathetic during a Cena match. Plus, the young boys, WWE's key demographic at this point, love him. Sure, I'd love to see him revert back to Controversial and Clever Rapper Cena instead of the Hulk Hogan 2.0 he has become, but the guy generally delivers the goods in big matches. What more do you want?

Moreover, Cena vs. The Rock is the biggest dream match that could conceivably still happen. I know Rock has said he's done with wrestling, but drive a dump truck full of money up to his house and see what happens. He's not made of stone! (For the uninitiated, that was the "Kamp Krusty" reference.)

2. Shawn Michaels: The Heartbreak Kid's comeback from a supposedly career-ending back injury continues to astound. He's clearly WWE's best all-around performer, and despite not holding a world championship since 2002, remains universally loved.

3. Chris Jericho: He has always been critically acclaimed, but his feud with Michaels made him. If Jericho keeps logically pointing out why he has the moral high ground, the fans will continue loathing him with much vitriol.

4. Edge: Just as hated as Jericho, but gets a small deduction for reuniting with Vickie Gerrero so quickly. I was enjoying Edge's Mick Foley-induced fury before Undertaker sent Edge to "hell."

5. Batista: As long as you're 6'4, 280 pounds, 7% body fat, and a snappy dresser, you too can be a world champion. Big Dave will never transcend wrestling like The Rock, Austin, and others, but he does have an undeniable presence that is tough to teach. Solid performer, someone that can be a transition champ at any time, but not someone you can build the company around.

6. Jeff Hardy: Once again, the kids love him. A Wrestlemania title shot and eventual triumph would draw many pay-per-view buys from a big chunk of the audience, and so would a long feud with his brother, Matt. Edge or Jericho would be the perfect foils for a Hardy title run.

7. Triple H: Remains extremely popular with WWE fans but lacks mainstream appeal. At this point in his career, Hunter is most valuable putting over new stars like he did with Batista and, to a lesser extent, Jeff Hardy.

8. Undertaker: Basically everything I said about Triple H applies to Taker. WWE has the opportunity to absolutely make someone's career by having him end Taker's Wrestlemania win streak.

9. Rey Mysterio: He's too injury-prone to build around. On the other hand, have you seen all the kids in the front rows wearing their Rey masks? That's a lot of merchandise and premium tickets, folks. His 2006 title run was a joke and could have been much more significant with better booking. Unfortunately, it appears his best days are behind him.

10. Randy Orton: He's contemptible, and yet, also bland. There appears to be little rhyme or reason for Orton's abhorrent behavior, which is definitely something that keeps him below Jericho and Edge on my heel pecking order. Still, he's young, athletic, and his courtship of Priceless has shown promise. If Orton can help elevate Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, and Manu, his stock will go way up the next time I make this list.

Honorable mention:

Matt Hardy: He was the hardest guy to leave out of the top-10. Great all-around performer but lacks true star power.

Montell Vontavious Porter: MVP has an excellent name and gimmick; the Terrell Owens-like, spoiled-athlete shtick is ideal heel fodder. Now if he could only win a match every once in a while, the crowd would start taking him seriously again.

Mickie James: She has the rare wrestling combination of appealing to men and women. Her spunky, girl-next-door character is a stark contrast to the fake-breasted blonde parade. And she can wrestle.

Kelly Kelly: And then you have Kelly Kelly, your bimbo du jour. Except, she has a nuclear hottness that cannot be denied. If she were on an inane MTV reality show instead of WWE, she'd be all over US Weekly.

Shelton Benjamin: Outstanding in the ring; has yet to develop a personality.

Evan Bourne: Like Shelton, has no discernable character. However, he's so exciting in the ring, he could be the next Rey. Hell, maybe he needs a mask.

Beth Phoenix: Good-looking, convincing ass-kicker. Santino isn't bad either; love that overly dramatic music!

CM Punk and Kofi Kingston: I'm begging you, keep these guys together for a while. The fans like both of them, and together, they raise the profile of the tag-team division.

John Morrison and The Miz: If Vince McMahon gives a crap about tag wrestling, he'll build toward a Morrison/Miz vs. Punk/Kofi match at Wrestlemania that crowns an undisputed champion. There's no reason to have multiple tag champs when the division is an afterthought. I'm begging you, unify the championships.

Take that, Whitey

Good for Turner Gill and Buffalo, your 2008 MAC champion. Gill seems like a great guy and is obviously an excellent coach. Buffalo was everyone's doormat until the Bulls had a 5-3 MAC record in Gill's second season.

After the the departures of Washington's Tyrone Willingham and Mississippi State's Sylvester Croom, Gill is one of three black head coaches among the 119 FBS teams. Obama's win proved this country has come a long way in the racism department, but the number of black coaches in FBS is an embarassment.

That's the beauty of sports though. Gill has to be one of the hottest coaching candidates in the country. When you make Buffalo relevant, you can do some things.

Hey, athletic directors, start hiring black head coaches. Blacks are the majority on the field, so there are bound to many qualified minority candidates getting passed up. There's a much higher percentage of black assistants, but for whatever reason, the glass ceiling remains. Let's hope that changes soon.

Fiendish PAT Strategy

Let's say you're a head football coach and your team has just gone up 6-0 on its first possession. You have an All-American kicker that hasn't missed an extra point in his career.

Instead of immediately kicking the extra point, why not spread the field with four or five receivers and see how the defense reacts? If you think the defense isn't prepared for the play you've called, run the play. If you don't think your odds of success are overwhelming, just take the five-yard, delay-of-game penalty and kick the point after.

What is the downside of this strategy? You might even catch the opposition with its PAT-block team on the field, forcing a time out. Maybe not a great idea for a team that found its kicker at a halftime contest -- I'm looking at you, Texas Tech -- but NFL teams particularly have almost nothing to lose by kicking a 24-yard PAT instead of a 19-yarder. Just make sure, if you run the two-point play, you think it has about a 90% chance of succeeding.

Someone feel free to tell me why this is a bad idea.

Football Picks

Oklahoma vs. Missouri over 78.5 total points. Initially, I thought this number was too high; good thing I do my research. During the past five weeks, OU and its opponents have combined to score 93, 90, 94, 86, and 101. Don't worry about the cold or the field conditions either. Missouri and Kansas scored 77 in miserable weather at the same venue (Kansas City's Arrowhead Stadium) last Saturday.

Jets -4 at 49ers. Four points? Are we really that scared of a cross-country flight? I'm not. This game means a hell of a lot more to New York with the AFC East still anyone's ballgame. Even with a one game lead, it can't afford to drop a winnable road game.

Giants -6.5 vs. Eagles. No, really, you can get this one for slightly under a touchdown at the Las Vegas Hilton as of Thursday. Plax shmax, you gotta ride Big Blue for under a TD at home against a shaky Eagles team.