Am I the only one who still watches pro wrestling? Seems like all my friends have moved on to more intellectual endeavors, such as fantasy football and online porn. Still, as long as I'm zooming through WWE programming on DVR every week, something productive might as well come from it.The following is my list of WWE's top performers, based on in-ring ability, entertainment value, and, most importantly, potential to draw crowds and make money for the company.
1. John Cena: Like him or not, you either like him or not; the crowd is never apathetic during a Cena match. Plus, the young boys, WWE's key demographic at this point, love him. Sure, I'd love to see him revert back to Controversial and Clever Rapper Cena instead of the Hulk Hogan 2.0 he has become, but the guy generally delivers the goods in big matches. What more do you want?
Moreover, Cena vs. The Rock is the biggest dream match that could conceivably still happen. I know Rock has said he's done with wrestling, but drive a dump truck full of money up to his house and see what happens. He's not made of stone! (For the uninitiated, that was the "Kamp Krusty" reference.)
Moreover, Cena vs. The Rock is the biggest dream match that could conceivably still happen. I know Rock has said he's done with wrestling, but drive a dump truck full of money up to his house and see what happens. He's not made of stone! (For the uninitiated, that was the "Kamp Krusty" reference.)
2. Shawn Michaels: The Heartbreak Kid's comeback from a supposedly career-ending back injury continues to astound. He's clearly WWE's best all-around performer, and despite not holding a world championship since 2002, remains universally loved.
3. Chris Jericho: He has always been critically acclaimed, but his feud with Michaels made him. If Jericho keeps logically pointing out why he has the moral high ground, the fans will continue loathing him with much vitriol.
4. Edge: Just as hated as Jericho, but gets a small deduction for reuniting with Vickie Gerrero so quickly. I was enjoying Edge's Mick Foley-induced fury before Undertaker sent Edge to "hell."
5. Batista: As long as you're 6'4, 280 pounds, 7% body fat, and a snappy dresser, you too can be a world champion. Big Dave will never transcend wrestling like The Rock, Austin, and others, but he does have an undeniable presence that is tough to teach. Solid performer, someone that can be a transition champ at any time, but not someone you can build the company around.
6. Jeff Hardy: Once again, the kids love him. A Wrestlemania title shot and eventual triumph would draw many pay-per-view buys from a big chunk of the audience, and so would a long feud with his brother, Matt. Edge or Jericho would be the perfect foils for a Hardy title run.
7. Triple H: Remains extremely popular with WWE fans but lacks mainstream appeal. At this point in his career, Hunter is most valuable putting over new stars like he did with Batista and, to a lesser extent, Jeff Hardy.
8. Undertaker: Basically everything I said about Triple H applies to Taker. WWE has the opportunity to absolutely make someone's career by having him end Taker's Wrestlemania win streak.
9. Rey Mysterio: He's too injury-prone to build around. On the other hand, have you seen all the kids in the front rows wearing their Rey masks? That's a lot of merchandise and premium tickets, folks. His 2006 title run was a joke and could have been much more significant with better booking. Unfortunately, it appears his best days are behind him.
8. Undertaker: Basically everything I said about Triple H applies to Taker. WWE has the opportunity to absolutely make someone's career by having him end Taker's Wrestlemania win streak.
9. Rey Mysterio: He's too injury-prone to build around. On the other hand, have you seen all the kids in the front rows wearing their Rey masks? That's a lot of merchandise and premium tickets, folks. His 2006 title run was a joke and could have been much more significant with better booking. Unfortunately, it appears his best days are behind him.
10. Randy Orton: He's contemptible, and yet, also bland. There appears to be little rhyme or reason for Orton's abhorrent behavior, which is definitely something that keeps him below Jericho and Edge on my heel pecking order. Still, he's young, athletic, and his courtship of Priceless has shown promise. If Orton can help elevate Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, and Manu, his stock will go way up the next time I make this list.
Honorable mention:
Matt Hardy: He was the hardest guy to leave out of the top-10. Great all-around performer but lacks true star power.
Montell Vontavious Porter: MVP has an excellent name and gimmick; the Terrell Owens-like, spoiled-athlete shtick is ideal heel fodder. Now if he could only win a match every once in a while, the crowd would start taking him seriously again.
Mickie James: She has the rare wrestling combination of appealing to men and women. Her spunky, girl-next-door character is a stark contrast to the fake-breasted blonde parade. And she can wrestle.
Kelly Kelly: And then you have Kelly Kelly, your bimbo du jour. Except, she has a nuclear hottness that cannot be denied. If she were on an inane MTV reality show instead of WWE, she'd be all over US Weekly.
Shelton Benjamin: Outstanding in the ring; has yet to develop a personality.
Evan Bourne: Like Shelton, has no discernable character. However, he's so exciting in the ring, he could be the next Rey. Hell, maybe he needs a mask.
Beth Phoenix: Good-looking, convincing ass-kicker. Santino isn't bad either; love that overly dramatic music!
CM Punk and Kofi Kingston: I'm begging you, keep these guys together for a while. The fans like both of them, and together, they raise the profile of the tag-team division.
John Morrison and The Miz: If Vince McMahon gives a crap about tag wrestling, he'll build toward a Morrison/Miz vs. Punk/Kofi match at Wrestlemania that crowns an undisputed champion. There's no reason to have multiple tag champs when the division is an afterthought. I'm begging you, unify the championships.
