When news of Harry Kalas’ death broke, my immediate reactions were surprise and sadness. But then I quickly thought, I could write a great obituary about Kalas, and that is something to be celebrated, not lamented. “I could write a great obituary about him” is the ultimate compliment; it indicates a life well lived.Then I thought about people in my life that I could say the same thing about. I find that comforting. Hey, we’re all going to bite the dust someday; might as well learn to deal with it. No one is promised anything in this world, and anyone who lived 73 years, did what he loved for decades, got married, and raised three sons is one of the lucky ones.
The thing is, Kalas died, but he’s not really dead. His voice will live on for generations in NFL Films and Philadelphia Phillies highlights. But you don’t have to be famous to live on. Even if I were unaware of Kalas’ existence, his wife, sons, and the rest of his friends and family will remember him, and they will tell stories about Harry to future generations. More importantly, if Kalas was a good dad, that is his real legacy, not his work. If Kalas was a good dad, then his sons will be good dads too, and so on. To me, regardless of your religion, that is the only afterlife you can truly count on.
Someone once asked me why I would do good things if I don’t believe in Heaven. When you think about it, that is the most self-centered reason to do the right thing imaginable. People don’t have to fear the wrath of God to do the right thing. And if you’re a complete narcissist, here’s what’s in it for you: When you’re a good person, good things happen to you. The phrase “nice guys finish last” is poppycock. When you’re a good person, other people are drawn to you, and when other people love you and would do anything for you, there’s no better feeling in the world. Nice guys make more money too; no one wants to work with a jackass. Bernie Madoff eventually got his comeuppance.
Your kids don’t really learn right from wrong in The Bible, the Qur’an, or any other religious book. They learn it by watching you.
Whatever your religion is, I have no interest in debating its merits. In my book, if you treat people as you would like to be treated – yep, an agnostic is referencing The Golden Rule – then you’re a good person. If your religion works for you, awesome; I’m happy that you’re happy. However, fear of death is the wrong reason to buy into any faith.
As an agnostic, while I don’t dismiss the idea of a greater power of some sort, I have to assume there is no afterlife. All I know for sure is I’ve been given a life, and however long that life lasts, I have opportunities to love, be loved, and be remembered as a good guy. Even if it’s all over for me personally when I die, that is more than enough for me.
When we look at obituaries, we often focus on the dates of birth and death, because those numbers remind us of our own mortality. But instead of focusing on the scary part of Kalas’ 1936-2009, we should focus on all the incredible things he accomplished, and most of all, the lives he touched and helped create. This will probably sound corny, but I don’t care: Life isn’t perfect and it’s often unfair, but love makes it all worthwhile to me -- that, and a good obituary. Just make sure mine isn’t written by a hack.
Don’t fear death; embrace life.
And with that, I’ll leave you with some of my favorite quotes from Carlos Castaneda’s don Juan series of books.
"Think of your death now," don Juan said suddenly. "It is at arm's length. It may tap you at any moment, so really you have no time for crappy thoughts and moods. None of us have time for that."
“Acts have power. Especially when the person acting knows that those acts are his last battle. There is a strange consuming happiness in acting with the full knowledge that whatever one is doing may very well be one's last act on earth. I recommend that you reconsider your life and bring your acts into that light.
“You don't have time, my friend. That is the misfortune of human beings. None of us have sufficient time. Your acts cannot possibly have the flair, the power, the compelling force of the acts performed by a man who knows that he is fighting his last battle on earth.”
