The Oscars is in desperate need of the straight-male perspective, so I'll take one for the team.Barbara Walters Special
Yes, the Jonas Brothers performed with Stevie Wonder at The Grammys, but they forgot the words to “Superstitious.” (To be fair, I don't know the words either, and it’s one of my favorites.) At least they write music and play instruments.
Babs asks about the purity rings; I wonder if she is thinking, “I hope they didn't read about my affair with Sen. Edward Brooke.” Wait, one of these guys is 21? And he is wearing a purity ring? I'm officially questioning his purity.
By the way, Anne Hathaway was excellent on Saturday Night Live.
Anne is my age and single. Hmmm. Honestly, I’ve seen her look much hotter. Tragic.
Notice Anne says “hard drugs” would complicate things; I’m guessing she dabbles with reefer. (Aren't I great at putting words in people's mouths?)
Nice of Mickey Rourke to put his hand inside his waistband to start the interview.
Riveting interview with Rourke. He was by far the most interesting subject.
Red Carpet
Somehow, I doubt “Who designed your shoes?” would have been my first question for Kate Winslet.
Josh Brolin is married to Diane Lane? Nicely done. Brolin is on quite a roll with No Country for Old Men, W, and Milk. He was also a top-notch SNL host this season. I'm a fan.
Amy Adams…or Isla Fisher? Honestly, I thought they were the same person until last week. They look so much alike, it's a little eerie. A gay man approves of Amy's dress; bullet dodged.
Taraji Henson is looking mighty fine. Saw her on Conan, and she’s likable too.
Moment of the night so far: The interviewer asks Brad and Angie nothing, merely stopping them for a quick ass-kissing. You gotta love show business.
Valentino: World-famous designer or Brazilian soccer star?
Whoa, let’s get Freida Pinto closer to the camera, please. I don’t need a Danny Boyle close-up in HD.
It would be easy to make fun of Rourke’s love for his dogs, but if he was really that lonely, I feel sympathy.
High School Musical kids? Who cares?
We need Robin Roberts back on ESPN.
Angelina is Miley Cyrus’ “favorite person ever.” Billy Ray just had an anxiety attack.
Heidi Klum is looking scrumptious as always in that Diet Coke ad. Of course, designer Wolfgang Joop said she's too heavy to walk the runway. If I were president, he'd be deported to American Samoa.
Meryl Streep’s daughter and I need to meet.
It must be off-putting for the women to have all these people commenting on what they look like, whether positive or negative. The more analysis, the more creepy.
“I have NEVER seen such gorgeous pleating.” My thoughts exactly.
Seth Rogen has dropped some pounds. I hope he hasn’t given up the green.
The Oscars
Please let this thing actually end at 10:30; I’ve got bonds to trade at 7:20 a.m.
Where’s Regis? Come on, he was the Millionaire pioneer.
Creative opening number from Jackman. I liked the cheap sets and props, which I'm guessing were an homage to the poor economy.
Are these five ladies announcing the nominees for Best Supporting Actress, or is this the latest reboot of The View?
This is my first Viola Davis experience, but there’s something about her I like.
Man, if they have a presenter give every nominee for every category a mini-speech, this show will end sometime around Arbor Day.
Penelope Cruz wins. “I want to share this with my fellow nominees.” Psyche! It's mine, bitches! Cruz said she would go way over 45 seconds, but she kept it relatively short and sweet. That’s always a classy move, in my opinion.
Milk's screenwriter wins, and he just wants to live his life, fall in love, and get married. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find the woman of your dreams some day.
The analytical nerd in me loves how they present the screenplay nominees. It’s cool to see the words come alive on film.
Uh oh, Aniston and Jolie are too close. Jen, I’ll let you have my babies, I promise. I bet Brad wouldn’t mind another crack at that. And they cut to a laughing Jolie. Well, I guess she has nothing to be mad about…or she truly is a great actress. WALL-E was the lock of the night along with Heath Ledger.
Already on my fourth Heineken, and we’ve had one major award. This could be a long night.
Here’s my fashion analysis of the night: I hate dresses that push boobs up in an unrealistic way (e.g. Sarah Jessica Parker).
Button wins for Art Direction; possibly a bad sign for Slumdog. I’m telling ya, Oscar loves the Button-type movie. I’m not predicting a Button win, but I’m not ruling it out either. Button gets another for Makeup; this is starting to feel like the year Shakespeare in Love won.
The lowering of the giant screen is always dramatic.
Good thing The Oscars are on; the three NBA games on TV weren't competitive.
Jessica Biel is one of those women who actually looks better in a tank top and jeans.
James Franco and Rogen giggling at the dramatic movies was amusing. Actually, the best part was when Rogen cracked up live while Franco struggled to pronounce the winner’s German name.
More singing and dancing for Jackman, which isn’t exactly extinguishing the flames of those gay rumors. BEYONCE! My night is complete. I suppose she’s not skinny enough for the runway either. Idiots. Oh, so that is why the High School Musical kids are here.
Hey, Cuba Gooding made my point about Downey being brave for me! Let the record show, I said it first in my previous post. Ledger’s entire family is apparently here; as if they’d invite them all if he weren’t winning. And indeed, the Oscar is posthumously Heath’s. I thought the Ledgers did a wonderful job humbly accepting the award on Heath’s behalf. It’s impossible not to feel for them, and it was cool to see them focus on the joy of his win.
Man on Wire was a good bet to take Best Documentary too. That had to be the best magic trick in Oscar history.
Yet another Button win for Visual Effects.
Hey, The Dark Knight finally wins one for Sound Editing. Will Smith flubs the intro, but he’s so damned charismatic, he makes fun of himself and still manages to look cool doing it.
Was that John Mayer with Aniston? I thought they were Splitsville.
My favorite part of The Oscars is the historical montages, including the tribute to Jerry Lewis. Also looking forward to the “In Memoria” montage, as morbid as that sounds.
Damn. I’ve never seen Alicia Keyes look better.
Remember when Queen Latifah was just a rapper? What a transformation she’s had in her career. Man, I completely forgot that Paul Newman died.
THANK GOD! A MAJOR AWARD! Best Director is up; I was out of beer hours ago. Danny Boyle (Slumdog) wins. Looks like they’re about to wrap this baby up with a lightning round of majors.
Halle Berry is 42? Holy crap. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers. Meryl Streep doesn’t look too shabby for being nearly 60 either. Winslet gets the nod. Mom has called all the winners so far. (She picked Downey but said Ledger would win.) I like that Winslet didn’t play coy and admitted she wanted to win. Good for her; she’s incredibly deserving.
By the way, where is Jack? This is the first Oscars I can remember where he wasn’t prominently seated close to the stage. The Lakers aren’t even in town.
Although I lamented the potential wasted time of every major nominee getting verbal fellatio from a presenter, I eventually warmed up to it. The nominees deserve some love, regardless if they win or not.
Sean Penn wins Best Actor, and frankly, I’m a little upset. Penn winning wasn't a shock, but I really wanted Rourke to get it. It’s not that Penn isn’t deserving, I was just a huge fan of The Wrestler, and Rourke single-handedly made a good movie great.
Slumdog wins Best Picture. I have no complaints even though it wasn’t my pick. There wasn't a single surprise all night. I want the last five hours of my life back.
